While having sex with a partner is supposed to be fun, passionate and pleasurable, it’s very easy to overcomplicate matters by being overly self-conscious about the noises we may or may not be making, our bodies and, well, just about everything else.
We are constantly checking ourselves to make sure our sexual partner can find no reason to fault anything about us. Whether that’s about our overall performance or something as superficial as what underwear we are wearing before the deed.
Us women are insanely self-conscious and besides, as members of the “fairer sex”, we have an image to maintain.
Here are a load of disgusting things we do when no one’s looking:
1. The not-so-sexy booger check
If you’re going to be getting it on in the cowgirl position, then your partner’s line of vision will allow them to see straight up your nasal passages. We want our sexual partners to think we look nothing but sexy, and so many of us will clear our noses out to prevent any potential disgust mid-action.
2. Tying our hair back
It’s usually a good idea to tie your hair back in a ponytail or bun to prevent strands of hair getting in the way. This is especially true for those of us who happen to have fairly long hair.
3. Check our boobs are looking good
Often we will take a subtle glance at our boobs just to confirm that our partner’s getting the best possible view.
4. We evaluate your choice of underwear
We make the effort to wear our sexiest, skimpiest undies so we want to check that our partner’s undergarments are equally as hot, or acceptable at least. When I say “acceptable”, I mean not worn out with great big holes in them.
5. We start thinking about really unsexy things
This is especially true if you generally have quite a short attention span. Your mind will inevitably wander to pretty mundane things like what you’ll be having for dinner or that water bill you have yet to pay.
6. We glance down at your area to see how turned on you really are
It’s pretty silly, but if you don’t have a you-know-what, we will think it’s entirely to do with us.
7. The unavoidable paranoia
At some point, good old-fashioned paranoia will start to kick in, and you might start fearing that your roommate will walk in anytime soon.
8. Scratching in the most subtle way possible
It’s not the sexiest look in the world, but sometimes it just has to be done.
9. Looking down at our phones
If we receive a notification, we can’t just ignore it. We’re millennials for god’s sake – and if we stretch our necks out just a tad, maybe we’ll be able to catch a glimpse of the message.
10. We check the time
It’s very easy to get swept away amidst all the passion, but if we have plans for later on, we kind of need to keep tabs on the time.
11. We wipe our noses on the sheets
We can’t exactly blow our noses mid-romp now, can we?
12. We slyly slip in some lube
Sometimes, it just has to be done.
13. The pre-romp fart
We aim to get it out as quickly and discreetly as possible. Then the urge will be gone during the act.
14. Freshening up our area
Before the deed even takes place, we might find a way to flee to the bathroom in order to freshen up our bits. Many women are unnecessarily self-conscious about the smell of their vajayjays, and our partners just might go down on us if we are lucky.
So there we have it: all the things we women do during sex – or just before sex – so that our partners don’t see as anything other than the delicate little angels we are. Aren’t we just adorable?