Real People Tell Us Things They Actually Believed About Sex

Learning about the birds and the bees could get a liiiiittle confusing…

So we’ve all been through it. Learning about sex for the first time is a mind boggling concept that you just can’t get your head around. And in all honesty, it feels like I’m still learning…

So from time to time, rumours would develop or assumptions would blossom and then you were led to believe some bat sh*t crazy stuff about sex that was so ridiculously wrong that you’ve now got a hilarious story to use as an icebreaker (though maybe don’t reveal too soon)


We’ve found a bunch of the most shocking things people believed that are bound to make you giggle. And perhaps you can even relate…

1. Celebratory sex!

“When I was little I thought sex was done in front of your entire family and it was a celebration like a birthday party.” – vivienneg4deef181e

2. The idiot sex ed teacher

“During sex ed, I was told that it was okay to have sex at night, because sperm would be sleeping. THANK GOD I became gay and never made this mistake.” – BottomDrawer

3. Taking the term ‘giving head’ way too literally

“My best friend in secondary school thought giving head meant to kneel down in front of a guy, put their dick on top of your head and bounce up and down.”– daisymays

4. The power of resistance
“My male buddy at age 17 told me that he didn’t understand why guys kept getting girls knocked up- he honestly believed that guys can just stop the sperm from coming out during sex if they had enough willpower. When I tried to correct him, he told me, “You’re not a guy, you don’t understand how sex feels for men.” – Emmay Friedenson


6. I skipped ‘a’ period

“I dead a*s had no idea until I was 22 that pregnant women miss ALL 9 of their periods, I thought they just missed the first one.” -Kira Philips

7. The disturbingly counter-productive sex ed teacher

“In 8th grade my science teacher taught sex ed and she was a psychopath. She poked holes in all the condoms so that no one would take them and use them.”
“Years later, I was talking to my friend who was in that class with me and he had been poking holes in condoms for years, because he thought that was what you were supposed to do.”
“I wonder how many unplanned pregnancies my crazy teacher has caused over the years…” -Danielle Luna

8. New pick up line: “Upon erection, what’s the circumference of your balls?”

“My sister told me that when a man got an erection it made his testicles perfectly spherical.”

9. Hands produce offspring too!

“This girl I knew in high school would only give her boyfriend hand jobs but WOULD NEVER let him finish because she thought if she got his cum on her hands she could get pregnant… because osmosis.’” 

10. Misled information from Dr. Phil

“I was like 9 when I first heard the term ‘oral sex’ on Dr Phil and I thought it meant you role played having sex. I thought you would say out loud ‘puts penis in vagina’ ‘moans’ etc.”– thebirthofvenus


This is what happens to your body when you stop having sex. No. 3 makes me really scared.
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