Life can be full of wonderful and wacky things, with each decision leading many to venture on a path of self-discovery. With love-making being one of the most prominent of activities with regards to interesting choices and experimentation, it can be interesting to see those who seemingly take it that one step further. And, with the back door a popular choice for those who wish to spice up their bedroom antics, going rogue, as one might say, is now thought of as standard among adventurous couples everywhere. However, even though switching from vanilla to chocolate sauce might seem like a spin on the wild side, it’s nothing compared to the lengths others will take. In fact, a number of doctors recently revealed that the removal of rectal foreign bodies is high on the list of emergency room extractions, we can only imagine what kind of things were inserted up there in the first place.
But why? Why are so many people obsessed with the idea of putting things inside places where they really shouldn’t be. Well, from claims that it is in fact extremely pleasurable, to just plain old curiosity, shoving things up your butt has been a standard practice for a number of years. And, with drug smugglers also partial to poking the pink, it seems a number of people have given it a go at least once in their lives. So, to highlight such a crazed obsession, whether you like it or not, here are 15 things that have genuinely been found up people’s butts. You’re welcome.
15. A Shot Glass
You know you’re drunk once the shot glasses come out, usually resulting in a hefty headache and an all mighty hangover the next morning. Yet, for some, the wait can be too long, with many wanting to get wasted as quickly as possible. And, the best way to get super smashed? Sticking a shot glass up your bum of course. That’s right, with the new trend being that of filling a single swallow with the spirit of your choice, then proceeding to jam it up your nether regions, the act is said to get you drunk without actually consuming anything, well through your mouth that is. Popular among young people, the process has resulted in a number of embarrassing trips to the hospital, and phone calls home. However, the current craze is strongly inadvisable, with doctors admitting that by bypassing your digestive system, you run the risk of blood alcohol poising, as well as a pair of clamps up your backside. Ouch.
Probably one of the most terrifying yet bizarre things on the list, the cement enema is a well-known practice among a number of adventurists throughout the world. However, with one case in particular establishing worldwide recognition, the patient in question was rushed to the hospital after complaining of severe rectal pain. After receiving an X-ray, it was then found that he had been harboring a huge lump of concrete inside his butt hole, resulting in immediate surgery and severe embarrassment. Trying to get to the bottom of the situation, the doctors then discovered that the patient and his partner had been sexually experimenting with concrete mix, pouring the said substance through a funnel. Obviously, not fully understanding how concrete works, the mix went on to harden, forming a humongous concrete mass. Thankfully removed through surgery, the patient survived. However, once again, don’t try this at home. Seriously.
13. A Key
With losing your keys an experience we all annoyingly go through at least once in our lives, or in some cases everyday, it is rare that the keys themselves actually end up inside you, rather than, say, behind the sofa. That’s right, with doctors revealing that keys are one of the most common objects found inside the human body, mainly due to their size. The objects in question are usually swallowed by accident, tending to slip down the throat easily. However, what happens when they are inserted the other way? Either ‘by accident’ or on purpose, keys have also often magically appeared inside a number of people’s bottoms, usually on the basis of curiosity. And, if they don’t come out naturally? An embarrassing trip to the hospital of course, with the keys surgically removed by a clamp and a long pair of rectal removal tongues. Lovely!
12. A Glass Bottle
It may seem easy enough to get a pair of keys stuck up there, or even a shot glass, but a bottle? Not so much. Difficult to claim that it was ‘by accident’, the act of shoving a glass bottle up one’s backside is actually more common than you would think. In fact, one patient in particular was so good at pushing bottles up inside his butt, that he had considered himself a pro until he managed to push it a little too north, resulting in an urgent trip to the emergency room. Stuck right inside his rectum, the patient was unable to let nature take its course due to the way in which the bottle had been inserted. Opting to try and fish it out instead, forceps were brought in, along with an insane amount of lube. Noticing that the man in the question was seemingly not bothered, and had not cried out in pain, doctors saw upon further inspection that the muscles around his anus were extremely lax. What a pro indeed!
11. A Flashlight
A lot of strange things can happen in the dark, especially when you can’t see what you are doing. However, to claim that you stuffed a flashlight up your rectum by accident, is seemingly taking it that one step further. Obviously intentional, it does make you wonder what on earth was going through the mind of the person that did this in the first place. Informally known as Obsessive Anal Penetration Disorder, the condition is often the subject of amusement. However, affecting a number of people, it can actually be extremely harrowing for the person involved, not to mention dangerous. Running the risk of infection, disease and in some cases death, the disorder often goes unnoticed due to the embarrassment of the patient and the negative connotations of sexual deviancy. Nevertheless, whatever you may or may not think, a person’s sex life is their own business, however, that’s not to say it should be ridiculed.
Sticking objects up your a-hole is one thing, but using live animals to satisfy your curiosity is another, and should be severely frowned upon. Myths regarding rodents and rectums have been making the rounds for years, however, with recent proof that those myths have now become a reality, it can be extremely difficult to comprehend truth from fiction. In fact, the folklore has often attached itself to a number of celebrities, with actor Richard Gere suspected of dabbling with certain creatures. Referred to as ‘gerbilling’, Gere was the subject of a well-known rumor that saw him being rushed to the emergency room with a suspected gerbil up his bottom. Addressing the story and his hatred for the media some time later, Gere stated, “I stopped reading the press a long time ago, lots of crazy things came up about me at first, especially from the tabloids. there is an infamous ‘Gere stuck a hamster up his bum’ urban myth”. Even the popular TV comedy South Park weighed in on the matter, devoting a whole episode to Lemmiwinks the gerbil and his escape from a character’s digestive system.
9. Buzz Lightyear
When the book, Stuck Up! 100 Objects Inserted and Ingested in Places They Shouldn’t Be, was released in 2011, the whole world was shocked. Written for ‘educational purposes’, authors Marty A. Sindhian, Murdoc Knight, and Rich E. Dreben claimed it was for the good of the people, stating, “we hope it takes away the stigma of people seeking emergency treatment”. With over 100 X-rays detailing a number of strange and bizarre objects, it was the Buzz Lightyear toy that seemingly generated the most amount of conversation. Referring to the incident, Dreben admitted, “In these cases with toys, the patients were often seeking sexual pleasure or gratification, some patients have been known not only to stimulate themselves manually with toys, but they have also repeatedly swallowed parts of toys because, per their report, passing the toy parts through their gastrointestinal tract and ultimately the anus ‘felt good.’” Duh.
8. An iPhone
With prisoners renowned for sticking cell phones up their backsides, it comes as no surprise to see one on the list itself. However, usually that of the smaller variety, one inmate in particular was recently found to have had an iPhone shoved up his anus, ouch. Unable to get it back out, the inmate in question waited over three days for nature to do its business, suffering excruciating pain as he did so. Giving in to the severe abdominal agony, he reported himself to the prison doctor, who later found that the wall of his rectum had been ripped to shreds, double ouch. Retrieving the device, albeit broken, the inmate was issued a number of painkillers and the incentive to never do anything like that ever again. With men said to be more likely to get objects stuck inside of them rather than women, author Rich E. Dreben claims that, “men, in general, tend to be more daring and engage in risky behavior”. Interesting…
7. An Eel
Most definitely the most disturbing item on this list, not to mention the most cruel, it was recently reported that a man had been admitted to the emergency room after shoving a live eel up his rectum. With the eel said to be 20 inches long, the man in question had done the deed after seeing it in an adult film. Extracted through surgery, the eel had chewed through the man’s colon, later managing to get itself stuck in the man’s intestine. Urgh. Surprisingly still alive when the eel was first removed, it later died, with the man now facing animal cruelty charges, rightly so. Unfortunately, not just a one-off incident, inserting eels into areas where they shouldn’t be inserted has been common practice for a number of years. Said to be extremely satisfying with regards to sexual gratification, the result has never been truly clarified, therefore it seems extremely likely that it just doesn’t work. So, the lesson here, kids? Don’t do it.
6. A Coffee Jar
With coffee playing an important role in a number of people’s lives, it can be worrying to see the extremes in which some people will go just to get that extra fix. That’s right, with a variety of cases showing X-rays detailing large glass jars inside the rectums’ of men and women all over the world, it can be difficult to really envision how they got it up there in the first place. Again most likely to be intentional, items such as jars and glass bottles are said to increase sexual pleasure and a sensual experience. However, with patients unlikely to spill the beans on what they were doing in the first place, author Marty A. Sindhian claims that a number of people will absolutely say anything rather than admit the truth, stating, “sometimes patients tell us that they were doing some type of household chore in the nude when they ‘fell’ or ‘tripped’ or ‘jumped into bed’ and ‘landed on the object,’”. Yes, of course, you fell onto that jar and it somehow managed to lodge itself inside you.
5. Cassette Tape
So that’s where all the cassettes went? Arriving at the hospital after complaining of severe abdominal plain, a young man was later found to have had a cassette shoved up his rectum. Revealing that he had inserted the cassette himself due to some serious curiosity, the item was retrieved manually, and immediately thrown away. Extremely dangerous, the lining of the rectum was then said to have been torn off completely, causing the man to undergo surgery, resulting in a number of painful stitches. So, next time you find yourself looking at your old collection of cassettes, why not hand them in to the local charity store rather than seeing what it feels like to have them inserted into your anus. And that goes for all musical equipment, compact discs, and musical instruments.
4. An Intact Light Bulb
Yes, someone decided to experiment with a light bulb. And even more surprising is that the light bulb stayed intact. Why on earth would someone think that something so fragile (and made of glass no less), would be the perfect object to stick up one’s anus. Seemingly a popular choice for one man, it was reported that the man in question arrived at the hospital after getting drunk and inserting something in his rectum, a common theme. Accepting a dare, the man had used shaving cream and lubricant in order to force the bulb into his behind. However, with it stuck inside him for two days, he realized that the bulb was indeed going nowhere, and had the object extracted manually. Oh well, whatever turns you on (see what I did there?).
3. A Fork
Now that’s got to hurt. Usually found to have been swallowed by accident, forks have also been known to be a favorite of those who like to insert foreign objects into places where they shouldn’t. With one case in particular detailing that of a married man whose wife had inserted the said object into his anus after he requested something a little different within the marital bed, the man in question was quickly rushed to hospital after subsequent bleeding from his nether regions. Unable to be removed manually due to the prongs on the end of the fork, the man was swiftly put under general anesthetic and had the fork surgically removed. However, upon further inspection it was revealed that the man had had a record of sticking things up his bum, with cutlery one of his more favored objects. Again, just to be clear. Don’t do this at home.
2. A Barbie Doll
Famed all around the world for being a toy for young and innocent children, not once has it been insinuated that Barbie should be used as a sex toy or as an object of sexual pleasure. However, for one man in particular, curiosity had obviously taken hold, after the man in question was rushed to the hospital with severe cramps. Not disclosing the full story, the man pretended to have slipped while vacuuming nude, resulting in the barbie lodging itself inside of his rectum, because that’s obviously a very common accident. Seemingly missing a head, the doll was pulled out manually, resulting in a swift and easy exit. Much like the Buzz Lightyear incident, it is strongly advised to avoid children’s toys when it comes to shoving things up your backside, with actual sex toys said to be much more pleasurable and less painful.
1. A Loaded Gun
No, seriously. Initially arrested for a traffic violation, a man was apprehended and taken into a prison cell after cops found evidence of drugs and paraphernalia. Arriving at the station the man was immediately subjected to a strip search, as well as a thorough inspection. However, with the examination clearly not as detailed as originally thought, it was later revealed that the man in question had successfully managed to sneak in a handgun, tucked neatly within the constraints of his anus. Tipped off by a number of other inmates, the police quickly rushed the prisoner to the hospital, where the rumors were hastily confirmed, with the gun also said to be loaded. Too dangerous to remove manually, the man was put under general anesthetic, and the weapon was surgically removed. With the practice of lodging loaded weapons up your bum extremely common, the police and the prisoner himself seemingly had a lucky escape.